Asking for a sign
We threw a birthday party for my son who was turning 24. It was somewhat joyous yet with an underlying layer of pain, hopelessness and fear. I gave him a metal detector. He and his friends liked to look for treasure.
The cancer was making its way quickly through his body and things were turning quickly for the worse. It would be about a month later that he died.
We all tried to be cheerful and just wanted to spend some time with him and talk with him. thats all.
Somebody gave him a bunch of lottery tickets and I remember I was standing alone in the kitchen while everyone else was gathered around him as he scratched off the tickets.
I looked out the kitchen window and I don't know why but I said "Please give me a sign". I felt awkward asking for a sign while he was scratching lottery tickets. Is the granting of money a good thing? Does it mean anything? Is it the right thing? I just didn't know what else to think and I just wanted some kind of a sign. I am a devout agnostic so I don't even know who or what I was asking. I was simply asking for something -anything.
A commotion started in the next room and somebody exclaimed "You won a thousand dollars!"
I hurried into the other room and each of us took turns looking at the ticket and verifying it was a thousand dollar winner. Sure enough it was. And it made him happy. He started to make plans with what he would do with it.
He ended up giving some to friends, which was his way. And he used the rest of it to go out and have fun with his friends, which was also his way.
Was it luck? Karma? Chance? Coincidence? Meaningless? or a sign? I don't know.